What families try before KindredMind, and what the research says.

Option 1

Taking the phone away.

This is usually the last resort. The calls have reached a point, 20, 30, 40 a day, where a working adult with children and a job simply cannot function. Removing the phone feels like the only way to get your life back.

What actually happens.

The anxiety that was driving the calls does not go away. It has nowhere to go. Medical ethicists and dementia specialists are consistent on this point: taking away a phone from someone with dementia raises serious questions about independence and dignity. As one clinical review puts it, the phone's removal "can violate the individual's independence, leading to a significant loss of dignity and connection." Dementia care operates on a foundational principle, least restrictive option, which holds that you take the minimum action necessary to address a problem, not the maximum.¹

The Alzheimer's Association describes the phone as a lifeline, "a way for family members to check on relatives who insist on living at home but need support."² The Alzheimer Society of Canada echoes this in its published guidance on dementia-friendly communication, emphasising that connection to a loved one's voice is one of the most powerful sources of comfort available to someone living with dementia.³

And then there is the practical reality almost nobody talks about out loud: you have taken away their last reliable way to reach you when something is genuinely wrong. That is not a solution. That is a different and more frightening problem.

Most families who remove the phone give it back within weeks. The guilt is worse than the calls.

What the research shows about the anxiety behind the calls.

The UCSF Memory and Aging Center is direct: people living with dementia "may become worried and agitated when they cannot find their caregiver, even for a moment."⁴ Removing the phone does not address that anxiety, it removes the outlet while leaving the source entirely intact. The anxiety then expresses itself through other behaviours: agitation, pacing, distress, escalated requests to care staff.

Option 2

Blocking calls and setting quiet hours.

Products exist that intercept calls during time windows you configure, play a recorded message, and prevent the call from reaching you. Some let you record a gentle redirect in your own voice. It sounds reasonable. And it does reduce the number of calls that reach your phone.

What actually happens.

Blocking a call does not resolve the anxiety that caused it. This distinction matters clinically.

The separation anxiety driving repetitive calling in dementia is neurological, it is the result of the brain's inability to retain the memory of recent contact and its resulting inability to self-soothe. UCLA Health explains the mechanism clearly: "Because people with dementia are forgetful, they will forget that they called before or asked the same questions even five minutes ago. When a loved one has separation anxiety, it will be helpful to distract them by keeping them busy."⁵ A recorded redirect message does not distract. It leaves an anxious person alone with an unresolved fear.

There is a deeper problem. From your loved one's perspective, they called the person they love most, and that person did not answer. They do not remember the five calls before it. They do not know they have been blocked. They only know their call did not go through. That experience, of reaching out and finding nothing, is precisely the fear that causes separation anxiety in the first place. For many families, call blocking makes the underlying anxiety worse over time, not better.

The UCSF Memory and Aging Center confirms this dynamic: people with dementia "feel threatened and become agitated when their caregiver tries to ignore them."⁴

Option 3

Voicemail.

This is the most common approach, not a deliberate strategy, just the path of least resistance. You cannot answer right now. You will check later.

What actually happens.

Voicemail assumes a level of cognitive function that moderate-to-advanced dementia has often already compromised. As one caregiver account captures it precisely: "For awhile, they was able to get the idea and they'd leave a message, but as their dementia worsened, if they got voicemail they'd just hang up."⁶

The call ends without resolution. The anxiety that prompted it is still present. The next call comes, often within minutes. Meanwhile, the caregiver is now carrying two burdens: the original guilt of not answering, plus the obligation to check every voicemail to determine whether this one might be a real emergency. Voicemail does not give time back. It adds a step while solving nothing.

There is also the scam risk. The Alzheimer's Association and multiple researchers have documented that people living with dementia are among the most targeted groups for phone fraud. When a call goes to voicemail and the person does not reach a familiar voice, they become more likely to answer unknown incoming calls, from numbers that may not have their best interests at heart.⁷

Option 4

Not answering. Ignoring the calls.

The most common approach. And the most costly one, not to your loved one, but to you.

What actually happens to the caregiver.

The peer-reviewed literature on dementia caregiving is consistent and stark. A 2024 systematic review in the Journal of Neurology Research Reviews & Reports identifies guilt, grief, and emotional distress as the primary psychological factors affecting caregiver wellbeing.⁸ A study in World Journal of Psychiatry found that higher levels of guilt are directly associated with lower commitment to the caregiving role, meaning the guilt does not motivate better care. It erodes it.⁹

The Alzheimer's Association names this pattern explicitly in its caregiver stress guidance: depression "breaks your spirit and affects your ability to cope."¹⁰ Caregivers who ignore calls to protect themselves often find that the guilt from ignoring creates more psychological damage than the calls themselves would have. Research published in Sage Journals found that caregivers experiencing higher levels of negative affect, anxiety, guilt, shame, were more likely to engage in further neglectful behaviours as a result.¹¹ Ignoring the problem compounds it.

What actually happens to your loved one.

Not answering escalates the anxiety, not relieves it. The UCSF Memory and Aging Center documents this clearly: people with dementia "may feel threatened and become agitated when their caregiver tries to ignore them."⁴ An unanswered call does not leave them sad. It leaves them more frightened than before, and the next call comes sooner and with greater urgency.

The Journal of the American Medical Association and multiple longitudinal studies have found that unresolved anxiety in people with dementia correlates with increased agitation, sleep disruption, and distress, outcomes that are harder on both the patient and their care environment than the calls themselves would have been.¹²

Option 5

Scheduled calling routines.

This is the most commonly recommended professional advice. Call at set times. Build a predictable routine. Create structure that helps your loved one feel secure.

It works, for a while.

In early to moderate stages of dementia, scheduled calls can be genuinely effective. The DAWN Method, developed by eldercare specialist Judy Cornish, explains the mechanism: "At first, you may find that if you're always happy to chat for a minute or two, available and not bothered by the call, they might be able to internalize your presence and not call as often."¹³ Alzheimer San Diego and UCLA Health both recommend this approach as a first-line strategy.

Why it stops working.

The short-term memory that allows a person to hold onto "they're calling me at 2pm" deteriorates as dementia progresses. The Alzheimer Society of Canada describes the progression clearly: as the disease advances, the person has "greater difficulty communicating and will require more direct care", and the cognitive scaffolding that made scheduled calls effective is no longer reliably present.³

By the time most families find KindredMind, scheduled calls have already been tried earnestly and have failed to contain the volume. The calls at 2pm still happen. They also happen at 7am, 11am, 4pm, and 11pm.

Option 6

Medication to reduce anxiety.

This surfaces in caregiver forums and occasionally in clinical conversations as a last resort. If the anxiety is causing the calls, address the anxiety pharmacologically.

What the research shows.

Benzodiazepines and other anxiolytics are used in dementia care, primarily for acute behavioural episodes, not ongoing management of separation anxiety. The Alzheimer's Association's guidance on behavioural and psychological symptoms of dementia recommends non-pharmacological approaches as first-line treatment before medication is considered, noting that medication carries real risks in this population including falls, increased confusion, and accelerated cognitive decline.¹⁰

More to the point: medicating a person to reduce the frequency with which they reach out for connection is a significant ethical step. Every major dementia care framework, person-centred care, validation therapy, the Alzheimer Society of Canada's communication guidelines, holds that the emotional needs driving these calls are legitimate and deserve a response, not suppression.³